Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Vic Wishes I Was Moxie


Over the past year, I’ve seen trolls come and go, but one that never seems to give me up is named Moxie. She embodies everything I hate about the world and now she has become increasingly persistent in ruining my life on all fronts. After last night’s show, I went to bed with Victor and I asked him to give me some “face time.” He looked confused, so I reiterated my request. “Victor, let’s take this party downstairs.” His deer-in-the-headlights expression remained, so I decided to spell it out for him. “Victor, I want you to perform cunnilingus on-“
He cut me off.
“I know what you mean, baby buns, but that’s not going to happen. Not until you’ve at least resolved your V.O. problem.”
Now my husband refuses to kiss me down there on account of my vaginal odor, but that’s not even the tip of the iceberg. Here’s what he said next:
“Maybe Moxie isn’t so bad…she might even be able to give you some tips on how to keep fresh down there. I mean, she is-“
“NONONONONO!”
Vic checked into a hotel last night. Fuck him!

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